Why I hate ‘Cosmopolitan’!

Mehak and I have been married for over a decade (that’s a lot by today’s standards) and we married for love. She was my boss when I ‘patao-ed’ her. She still is in many ways.
We were like any other duo. Love, fight, make up, love, fight, make up…and life was normal. Whenever the arguments turned into heated debates, we would guard our positions, and; win or lose. When debates turned into fights for positions, we would battle. When fights turned into matches, we would gain fair points. When matches turned into cursing each other’s morals and education, we would do it to our hearts content, and feel no remorse. When even that didn’t suffice, we would shatter each other’s heads and not feel apologetic. This prototype for us was periodic and consistent and on checking with other married friends, I found it applied universally (where ever people were brave enough to accept).

This was before Mehak started reading the ‘Cosmopolitan’.
I don’t know what they put on those pages, but over time I started noticing a change in Mehak’s behavior. It wasn’t apparent for the first few issues, but after a full year and a lot of reading on her part, the transformation was absolute and irreversible.
Post the reading, every time I argued; she would politely say “Vineet, you seem to be stressed. I can appreciate your need to feel superior by proving your point. Let’s sleep over it and talk tomorrow morning. If you still feel the same, we’ll discuss this further”. (What?)
When I wanted to fight, she would pay attention to everything I’d say “It is normal for you to feel that way; Vineet. Men have a need to release their pent up aggression. I’m glad you do this at home, and not on the road.” (What? What?).
The last straw on my back was when she said “Vineet, if we flee from the evil in ourselves, we do it at our hazard. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation. To live without the creative potential of our own destructiveness; is to be a cardboard angel.” (What? What? What?)
I immediately knew that my marriage was at risk of being completely destroyed by this magazine and its ‘psycho-analytical-we know the best- marriage- life counselors’. I did what any self respecting married man would have done. Threatened the news paper vendor with dire consequences. Lied to Mehak that the magazine has gone bankrupt and was hence unavailable. Tried filing a ‘Public Interest Litigation’ case, which was declined.
With time, things; of course; went back to as they were.
I’m also glad to report that we’re arguing, debating, fighting and our values and upbringing is back on the discussion agenda.
Anything to save a good marriage. I guess!