Whose “Ahsaas” is it anyway?
I’m not sure how many girls attend my workshop every week. 20-30 I guess. The numbers keep changing, but they all seem to know exactly what happened when they were missing. Officially; we call it the ‘Ahsaas’ club.
Un-officially? Well…Prison-break!
When I first approached Welham Girls School with the idea of starting a group that writes, sings, paints, composes, shoots, edits…I don’t think any of us knew what we wanted. Mrs. Brar, the principal; however, was patient and heard me out. She was curt when she said “Vineet, all this is a bit confusing…what do you want to do again?” “Well, start a group, and work with young people…” is all I could muster. “And what do the girls learn at the end?” she went further with her drill. “Well, they will learn what they want to…I can only facilitate the learning” I replied sounding philosophical.
She finally agreed to let me run this workshop on one condition. “Vineet, every month, I need to see a film or a presentation, with everything you claim goes into making one. Do you think that’s possible?” I knew there was no way I can finish a script, music, shooting, editing of a film, in the few hours I get with the girls every week…but the question demanded a show of confidence and that’s what it got. “Of course madam” said I…knowing I can always bargain for more time when this starts. “OK then. You start this Monday, and I want the first film to be ready by 21st Oct, so we can feature that on our founder’s day.”
“But that’s only a month” I blurted. “Yes, exactly what you asked for…isn’t it?” she replied.
I guess we know when we have promised; more than we should. I looked towards the sky and knew my non-believing attitude has started to play on my ‘kismet’.
The club started anyway, on the following Monday with Mrs. Brar introducing me to the girls; and the two teachers who will assist and support the workshops. I was once in school myself; you know… and knew immediately what the look in the girls’ eyes meant. It meant I’m going to be rogered.
Our first few meetings moved the project in one direction…backwards. I gave the girls many ideas around what we could write a story about. They heard all of the ideas politely. Even pretended to like some of them, and then; like they had telepathic communication amongst themselves, collectively gave all my ideas a remote resting place usually referred to as the ‘bin’ in many cultures.
I have always wanted to teach in a school. The opportunity came my way in terms of this assignment; and instead of being thankful, I was already thinking of resigning. This, within the second week of my new assignment? How much worse can it get?
I reached school with my mind made up and looking apologetic. Mrs. Brar wasn’t in her room and so I waited. All I had to say was “Madam, I had no idea that teaching in a school is this tough, and because I don’t think I can meet my commitment of delivering a film in a month, I’d rather leave now.” I had rehearsed the delivery a few times in my head, and was looking for politer words when I heard a rather excited voice.
“Sir, I think we know what the story should be about…it has to be about us, our lives, our families, our struggles, our dreams. When do we start the class? You’re late! 13 minutes! We’re all waiting. Why are you sitting here?” Astha shook me out of my guilt induced sleep outside the principal’s office. “AAA…well…you see, I was…?” I muttered and followed her to the class.
The world had suddenly changed. Exactly the way if happens when we have a direction. Over the next few classes, we not just got our many characters right; but wrote a lengthy script, created music and songs to go with the film, started shooting, got the editing software installed, recorded the song…all this with me watching from a distance and just ‘facilitating’. The film that I thought would be impossible to make in the given time, has taken shape in less, with much more in it than originally planned.
We call this club …“Ahsaas”. Meaning, to experince and understand.
The girls; by the way, are not the only ones learning, understanding and experiencing.
Quoting from the film : "There is a part of me that wants to write, a part that wants to theorize, a part that wants to sculpt, a part that wants to teach... to force myself into a single role, to decide to be just one thing in life, would kill off large parts of me." …Is how our film Ends.
The “Ahsaas” however, continues. For the girls and me alike.
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- "...there is a part of me that refuses love, it is the part that wants to die, it is the part that needs to be forgiven.