The Royal Trip

By the way writing this column every other week is no miniature task. It isn’t about writing per se, it’s about finding what to write about first that daunts me. Like this time. You see, it isn’t like I’ve been writing forever…only after we moved to DehraDun. Also; it’s tough to type while driving a car. I’m in Jaipur as I write, and for the last 3 days or so have been (literally) on the road. Doon to Delhi, then onwards to Jaipur…and no, I’m not on vacation, actually quite the contrary. Vacations are different.

After experiencing Dehradun’s weather and people, every other place looks and feels second grade. In fact one doesn’t need to go too far…just cross Biharigarh; and you’ll know what I mean. OK, so message one is: I hate leaving DehraDun. The question that follows of course is why am I not in Doon then? And the answer is, because; I’m married.

Yes, it has a lot to do with my marriage. The ‘Mrs.’ traces her so called ‘royal’ ancestry to a place called “Jothwara” a little ahead of Jaipur. I too, don’t at all mind, living with erstwhile ‘royals’, as long as they do not insist that I accompany them on tours of old havelis, rotten ‘gullies’ , relatives that have nothing in common with us , and places that sound completely alien to me. But no Sir, this royal specimen would not listen, like every other wife in the world. She believes that tours like these will make ‘stuck’ humans like me appreciate India and its culture, as also make us humble. She clearly has no idea; how ‘stuck’ we are.

Anyway, I have decided to use this time to further my study of ‘the art of patience’.

Every relative of Mehak’s we meet, expects that I would bend completely down and touch their feet. Feet! Feet? This; when I have a bad back and a family that believes in pretending to bend down whilst saying ‘pari-pena ji’? She just doesn’t understand that it doesn’t come naturally to me. Then (and this one completely blows me off) I do not comprehend why every ‘haveli’ has two sitting rooms. His and her’s. Can you imagine this in 2010? So Mehak can walk through every room in the house because she is ‘the girl of the house’ and I am restricted to the ‘gents’ areas because I’m the ‘outsider damaad’. As if I can see anything through the long ‘ghooghats’ that every woman seems to love. So much for development in Rajasthan.

The food, I must say, kind of; compensates for everything else. So, I keep shut and follow the royal orders.

The orders are to follow her into shops, gullies, mohallas, and other dangerous areas that (I’m sure) even locals would not venture into. This is where she finds people who make ‘hand block prints’ and jewelry, and (imagine) chappals, and sarees …who knows what else. How she knows where to go is beyond me. My job is watch as she buys loads of this stuff and be the good husband and pay. That’s it.

I’m not sure why I agreed to come to Jaipur with Mehak and if I’ll ever come back. I do however think that when Mehak starts her Rajasthani store in DehraDun, she should give me 5% of the profits just for being the ‘good, silent, adjusted, husband’ and remember that this is compensation for taking my ‘royal a@#’.